It’s been a minute since I posted anything on here. Since my last post I’ve been fake busy. Which basically means I’ve found every excuse in the book not to post anything on here without wanting to admit that I’ve been feeling a little uninspired lately. The past week has been pretty busy regardless, I’ve had company all week, and if I didn’t have company, well I painted my nails, tried some D.I.Y tricks, played with photobooth, cleared some apps and photos off my iPhone so I don’t have to see that lousy “storage almost full” notification, I’ve watched movies: Ghost, Coming to America, Hunger Games (My first time seeing Hunger Games), I’ve drunk a lot of tea, invented some yummy new breakfast recipes, I’ve gone out for drinks on a Friday evening (which oh my, I missed soooo soo badly!). But like I said, “busy!”
I’ve had those moments where I have put up posts on here even when I didn’t feel like it. It’s always been a good challenge to reel me in again, and usually it works: I’d have a perpetual stream of inspiration from it and end up with thousands of ideas for posts. But this time, I felt the need to accept the break and pace of things. I’ve especially noticed this past week that I have embraced a lot of quietness. I’ve observed long moments of silence in many situations if not all. It’s been just quiet and empty. Then I’ve found myself switching into loud, happy-yourself-moments like singing alto to Sean Kingston’s Fire burning in the shower. Which, btw, Sean Kingston might want to call me on…cos it’s pretty epic! But for the most part I’ve been quiet, and for something that is very much unlike me, it’s been quite settling.
Today was different, there was some agitation through the silence. I found myself spiraling from gentle quietness to anger and frustration. I was no longer feeling content. Yes, that’s the word I was looking for: Content! It perfectly describes my “settling silence.” I remember it started while I was reading online in an effort to improve my photography. There were a couple of “Photography technicalities” in the tutorials that I felt I had little knowledge on. When I went to read further on those technicalities, I found some more things I was clueless about, until I found myself staring at someone’s beautiful portfolio and wondering why I bothered calling myself a photographer.
Naturally, I redirected my frustration into creativity without even thinking much of it. Incidentally, the rays of the golden hour were glaring into my room through my pink and orange transparent curtain creating shapes and light over my room that required me to take out my camera and start shooting. Before I knew it, I was smiling at photographs on my computer again. And they were mine!
This time I sang Rihanna’s S&M in the shower.
Back in my bedroom, I thought about the photographs I had seen earlier that made me feel like a beginner in photography; There was nothing to be ashamed of, I only needed to learn. So I made a list, a week’s goal of all the things I needed to learn and master this week! Then an excited feeling came over me, I had become proud of myself for not giving into a weakness. You see I could have called myself worthless all-day or made my time worthwhile by improving myself. Some may call it an esteem issue but I count myself blessed to be able to feel this way sometimes, as frustrating as it can be, it shows I’m hungry for more and that I will not settle for mediocrity.
So I’ve broken down my list of things to master and pretty much made a syllabus for myself to follow all week. I know by God’s grace and strength I will excel at these goals! And I can’t wait to start incorporating my new knowledge into my work.
But enough about me, how have you been? How many of you have been feeling uninspired lately and what are you doing to overcome this? I’ve learned this week that silence is settling, but then you don’t always have to settle either.
God Bless!