I feel like I haven’t lived at all this summer, which is rather pathetic considering the fact that in the past five years, this has been my most active summer. The thought occurred to me out of nowhere last week—although I’m sure it had much to do with seeing an ad about coats and boots for fall. It always makes me anxious seeing reminders that summer is ending. I feel like a tenant being asked to vacate a premise by an overburdening landlord. I’ve never quite understood why, but as I penned down this post, it occurred to me that it has a lot to do with my birthday—at least most of it. While everyone makes his or her year-end evaluation at the end of the year, I do (one of two) mine on my birthday. The year-end evaluation I take care of in December is not as daunting because I get to share the burden with people who failed their fitness goals et al. On my birth month, well, it’s just me against a thousand questions about my life and what I’ve made of it.
It’s not as bad this year, since the buzzing question this time is if have I lived/partied enough this summer. (Still a serious concern regardless). There’s a lot to be thankful for this year. A lot! Thank God! Something I did differently, and which has been rather significant, was to make sure to do these evaluations at the end of every month* which has a lessened the load a little for August and hence has allowed me to ask questions on leisure. So, maybe that’s not it, that’s not why hearing about the fall makes me anxious. It is just the fall (weather and shorter days and back to school and non summer characteristics and lack of flowers blooming and no beaches and weather and weather) I don’t like.
*I am either really organized or borderline insane