This is likely the longest hiatus I’ve taken from my website or social media…
Ironically, when the rest of the world clung to social media to connect during the restrictive days of isolation, I found myself in a trance of introspection — drawing closer to the things around me that kept me happy and building a life around them. I also stayed in this new space long enough to re-create a healthier relationship around social media and how I generally wanted to show up in the world.
Frankly, I didn’t mean to take a break from here as well, but I was creating less and less content to post.
Real-life was inspiring me and I sat with it as long as it took. The days of social media calendars and forced blog posts were behind me. I was only going to show up when I was ready.
Yet, I worried sometimes that I may never return. I worried when I had not picked up my camera to create anything in months. Or when I was no longer getting dressed and ready to shoot a self-portrait. When I stopped thinking of creative ideas, I worried if I was confusing the peace I was enjoying with giving up. I worried I was just being lazy or perhaps… I was depressed.
But I sat even longer with it.
At the beginning of the pandemic when people urged others to get up and do something with all that free time, I stood up for those, like myself, who were finally getting some rest. Who needed the pause, and didn’t need to master one more skill, build a business, or work out every day.
I didn’t harass myself with any of the pressure to do something, however, when I naturally started getting interested in trying new recipes from an old French cooking book I found, I let myself enjoy my new hobby. When I was 2 hours into a phone call that centered around nothing but laughs, random thoughts, and lots of silent moments, I let it go past 3 hours without feeling guilty of wasting time. When I got interested in new subjects and books I allowed myself to explore. This is the freedom I was searching for — to sit long with myself without the alarms of time being wasted chasing all the good feels away.
With this, I found peace, I was more centered, and I actually learned some amazing new skills
We rarely ever have a luxury like this. Where time stands still and for once we could be still wherever we were and for however long we needed without the familiar pressure of time being wasted…
— Summer 2020