For many of us, our purest form of self-esteem was cultivated in childhood, before we traded self-love for the elusive favor of others. As adults, I’ve dared to question, “Who, in the end, is truly worth the sacrifice of our authenticity?”
Yet, we continue to make these daily concessions – a touch of self-deprecation, a smidgen of restraint to avoid being labeled ‘cringe,’ a subtle concealment of our brilliance – all in the pursuit of acceptance from fellow imperfect beings.
Often, those who seek acceptance and love from others neglect to offer these gifts to themselves first. The perplexing conundrum about this form of low self-esteem is that when we yearn for acceptance from external sources, we tend to present only fragments of ourselves – bite-sized morsels designed for easy consumption. We then mistake this external validation for love, all the while forgetting no one can love what they do not truly know.
No one warned me about how painfully lonely it would be when you choose to walk the path of full authenticity. “Friends” may find themselves retreating, not necessarily due to a lack of love for you, but rather because they are bewildered by this new version of you that you’ve chosen to become. It isn’t what they initially signed up for; you’ve altered the script of the dream you once sold them. To some extent, you must shoulder the responsibility, for you entered their lives as a bite-sized, static version of yourself, promising not to disrupt a thing.
If they’ve longed for you to finally unveil your light, they’ll eagerly lend a hand, prop you up, and march alongside you. But if your radiance rattles their world, they might react with ferocity, protesting the transformation.
In this period of solitude, the subconscious resounds with the echos of anxiety, as we confront the very isolation we sought to escape in the first place. We made ourselves small to feel connected and accepted, and here we are, losing it all over. It is a profound realization that the journey toward self-discovery and authenticity often requires walking alone, but the rewards that await are immeasurable.
It has often appeared simpler to mold ourselves into shapes more palatable to the world, rather than standing resolutely in the brilliance of our own truth. It feels harmless after all, for doesn’t the art of people-pleasing make everyone happy? Appease all…even at the cost of self? How altruistic. It grants immunity from the discomfort of being rejected by others. Indeed, it offers a smoother path. But if you find yourself traversing this winding road in the guise of some misguided altruism, hoping to come off as a ‘nice person,’ permit me to offer a gentle reality check – you’re not being kind, not to those who matter most.
Those who matter include you, but they also include every single soul out there, eagerly waiting for you to embrace your power and sprinkle some magic on their world.
Recently, I had a one-on-one conversation with someone I’ve long admired. To my astonishment, we shared parallel narratives. We were both fiercely ambitious women, who had grappled with imposter syndrome, ever eager to appease at the cost of our own happiness. The next day I wrote her this note:
“I soaked up so much wisdom from our conversation, but the most beautiful revelation was this: It took you embracing your own power for me to discover you… and, in time, to find myself.”
Your brilliant light is a lighthouse offering hope to another lost soul. The smallest yet bravest act to change the world is by just being yourself.
I want to believe someone out there needed me to write this. If it happens to be you. Take this as a sign: someone else is waiting on you. Pass it on.
Boost Your Self-esteem: Strategies to Build Confidence and Empower Yourself for Success