Here, now

I cannot count how many times I’ve been back in France, but none can quite compare to this time; The one time I came and expected nothing from Paris than to enjoy the rawness of my now.

I was riddled with anxiety going on this trip! I tried to make a tall list of all the things I HAD to do, content I had to collect, Instagrammable spots I had to capture and it got overwhelming! Because it started to look like I wasn’t even going for myself. It’s been a long time since I took an actual vacation. There’s always work involved: shoots I have to do, jobs I’m looking for or opportunities to grab!

So I gave it all up this time. Every day I stepped out into Paris, I whispered to myself “you are only here for yourself” I ignored the list of must-see places I had to go to, even recommendations from you, and went instead to the places I had missed dearly , the ones that brought me joy the last time I was here, I did the things that felt right and forced nothing, took naps by the seine, ate my favorite foods, went back to see paintings I loved and shared the memories of them with you. I couldn’t stop taking pictures because that’s who I am, but I changed what I took pictures of and why I took it. I wanted to turn from the problematic attitude of gathering content instead of living in the now.

This trip turned into an accidental eat pray love moment! I connected with my soul in a way I never have. Every morning I prayed the feeling would never go away. I went back to what I loved, and I enjoyed with all my heart the one thing I was very afraid of facing on this trip–solitude.